Tag Archives: sisters

Growing Up with Rita: Part IV – “Remembering Rita”

I assume that since Rita and I were only 22 months apart was one of the reasons Mom treated us the same…like twins. From early age through elementary school, we were dressed alike. Mom made most of our dresses so it must have been easier to use one pattern and one size.

The different personalities that were blooming under those identical dresses were evident early on. Rita should have been the oldest and I the younger sister. She had an independent, let’s do this, I don’t care what others think attitude towards life. I, on the other hand, stood back, was hesitant and tried to please others.

When we became adults, nothing changed. She continued life on a path requiring strong will, independence, determination and stoicism. She faced tough situations with true grit. She rarely expressed her deep feelings and emotions in words or tears.

We cried together as children when baby birds fell from their nests and we tried caring for them in shoeboxes. They all died and we cried. We cried over our dogs and cats when they died.
After we were both married and had families was the first time Rita shared with me on the phone that she was going to find a quiet place alone and cry. The date was July 12, 1975. We had been informed that our Dad’s only sister had died at the age of 47. We were close to her.

It was then that I realized that this tough skinned sister of mine had a heart of compassion and deep feelings. She cried in private. She was devoted to her daughter, family, friends, God, church, underdogs, and education. She “showed” it by her actions. She was my “show up” sister.

In 1987, our 16 year old daughter, Sara, was in a serious four-wheeler accident. She was in ICU for 8 days, three of those days unconscious. Without notice, Rita “showed up” at our house after a seven hour drive. Charlie and I were at the hospital. Our 12 year old daughter was home. Abby guided Rita on the 30 minute drive to the hospital. I will never forget the look on Rita’s face when she saw Sara. It was deep compassion, but no tears. She then took Abby home, fed her macaroni and cheese and sent her to bed for rest. The next day she went home.

After Mom died, Dad needed care. We placed him in an assisted living facility for 2 years in Findlay, Ohio. Rita oversaw his care from Flint. When he needed constant skilled care, Charlie and I brought him to Indianapolis so I could see him in a facility here on a daily basis. I kept Rita updated as she did me when she was on duty. After 8 months, I found another place for Dad that was closer to me. I told Rita all about it and that I felt comfortable with the move.

Early one Sunday while I was at church meeting with ladies for prayer, I looked up and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but my “show up” sister looking at me through the door window. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she drove down the day before and spent the night in Dad’s room observing the care he was getting as well as spending time with him. With a quick hug she was off, driving back to the children in Flint.

The best “show up” Rita event ever was on Lin’s birthday one year ago this past April. Rita surprised Lin at her party. She took a wrong turn getting off the subway and trekked the streets of Manhattan until she found her daughter.

I would give anything to see that rickety, worn out van pull up to Sara’s or my house spewing children out before it came to a complete stop.

I would give anything to see one more Rita “show up” at our family reunion in Findlay this July. Rita loved this time with relatives they enjoyed her humor and delighted in the children.

I guess the next “show up” sister event will be me when God says it is time for me to enter His presence. I know Rita will be there waiting to greet me with her witty, dry welcome, “Well, what took you so long?” No more tears.


CathernPaxton

Growing Up with Rita: Part III – “Like Mother, Like Daughter”

I write a weekly newsletter. I have done this for the past seven years. My readers range in ages from 18 – 97. I write about life with Cathy. Rita was a big part of my writings. When she had the time, she would text snippets from her busy life. My readers loved her accounts. Her writing style was like Erma Bombeck.
I am sharing my newsletter dated May 9, 2015 with you. This was written 3 months before Rita was murdered.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. It has been a few years since both Sara and Abby and their families have been here to celebrate our motherhoods together. Also arriving will be Phoebe and Gino. This will be their first time together as puppy cousins Sniff, sniff, woof, and woof.
I imagine that when I write to you at this time next Saturday, I will have oodles of things to share with you. I can hardly wait!
Many of you continually ask me about my sister Rita. She is so busy with eight children, two adults and dogs, that she rarely finds time to text me or answer mine. I have bugged her for so long. I don’t know how she found the time but she wrote the most wonderful letter sharing how each of the children are doing in her witty, charming account. You will find it at the end of this letter in its entirety. If you are like me, you will read it more than once.
To understand Rita, you should know about our wonderful one-of-a-kind Mother. Her name is Nellie. She grew up in a large, poor family. Her compassion for children never waned. We would often come home from school to find a baby in Mom’s arms. She nurtured them for a short time until the parents could take over again. There was one little boy that we thought was going to be our little brother; however, that did not work out and we were all heartbroken. Our parents also raised their great niece.
Mom knew exactly what Rita and I needed. She was able to feed our hearts, souls and minds. We were very different in our personalities, but she knew how to nurture us into the caring adults we are today.
When Rita’s husband died and her grown daughter moved to New York City, it was no surprise to me that at the end of her education career, she would find a multi-rational family to raise. Boy is she good at it.”
Happy Mother’s Day Rita. Mom would be so proud of you, and so am I. Cathy


Their father has been talking to the older kids about being entrepreneurs and saving money. Chasity, who is now 12, took her first step toward financial independence by boxing up her outgrown clothes, listing them on Craig’s list, and selling them for $35. Not bad for a day’s work for a 12 year old.
Christian, 11, decided to do his monthly book report on a Bill Gates biography. He, like Bill Gates, has declared he will be a millionaire by the time he is 20. So he is selling his Xbox games for outrageous prices. (Don’t bother to give him gifts. He’ll sell them as soon as he get them.) Whey they have saved a tidy amount, they will try their luck at buying stock. We’ll see…the candy counter still has enormous appeal.
James is almost 9 and continues to move through life and the house at lightning speed. At first I thought his trail of clothes and school debris was forgetfulness or just plain laziness. But it might be that his clothes fly off as he whip around. Track and field is definitely in his future.
Christina is 8 and growing up fast. She can very capably get both baby boys into the tub, bathe them and get them ready for bed. She can be quite amazing. And clean house??? Like a professional. So it’s rather amusing that she can never remember what day it is or how to tell time.
Angelisha and Blessing are finishing kindergarten. I have never been able to spend much time in their classroom, but I know exactly what goes on there. Nearly every day the dolls are put in chairs ready for their lessons. Apparently a couple of them are little pistols as I hear their teachers say, “I can’t keep reading if you are going to talk.” Or, “Max, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the carpet.” They teach the dolls songs, sight words, and how to make letters. (Every ‘S’ I make is a curvy little snake.) I feel I have been to school with them.
General will be 2 next week and has emerged as dominant dog. He pretty much rules the house. Most families spring into action when they hear “The bus is leaving!” or, “There’s a fire in the oven!” At our house the call to arms is, “HE’S GOT A CRAYON!!” He is a budding artist and no matter how many huge pieces of paper we give him, he considers the walls his canvas. We have a program of Adopt a Wall. The older children have a section of wall for which they are responsible for graffiti removal. When they begin buying stock, it will probably be in Mr. Clean Erasers.
Genesis is now a happy robust 10 month old. Still toothless (not even a nub!). He gums French fries with the best of them. He gets his food via meals-on-wheels. His high chair is a baby walker, so in between bites, he cruises down the hall or backs into the living room. He hangs his arm over the side and looks over his shoulder like he is backing an 18 wheeler. It lengthens feeding time, but I get to grab a few bites while he is out an about.
Rita


CathernPaxton

Growing Up with Rita: Part I

My twenty two month younger sister, Rita Ann Gardner Langworthy, and I spent our growing up years in Findlay, Ohio. Nestled in a town of 35,000 was a short street approximately two blocks long called Eben Avenue. It was this neighborhood we called home that brought the greatest joys and memories any child could experience.

We were born in the forties to Robert and Nellie Gardner; however, our bank of memories were birthed in the 50’s and 60’s.

If you are familiar with reruns of past TV programs, “Leave it to Beaver”, “The Donna Reed Show” and “Happy Days” and the like, that is the life we lived. Mom didn’t wear lovely dresses with a pearl necklace and high heels while doing housework and caring for the family. She was a stay at home Mom until Rita and I were in junior high school. She then began wearing the nice dresses and high heels for her office job at the headquarters of The Marathon Oil Company until her retirement.

Dad’s sister, Verna Mae, lived with her family on the same street up one block. Dad’s parents, Pearl and Hazel Gardner, lived next door to us. It was definitely a family affair.

The street was peppered with other families with children about our ages. The houses are still there today. The McAlexanders, DePuys, Wooleys, Hagermans, Sands, Rikers, Davises and Clines were the kids we spent most of our time playing out door games.

Rita and I walked to the elementary school only 2 ½ blocks from home, along with the other neighborhood kids. There was a huge, old, creepy house located by the railroad track we had to cross. We would run full speed ahead past it and over the tracks before slowing down. We knew it was haunted and would take no chance of a monster coming out after us.

The students who attended McKinley Elementary School were walkers. When it was time for lunch, we walked home. Mom was at the door waiting to greet us. Lunch was ready.

We had an hour lunch break. Following our meal, Mom would sit down to watch her two soap operas…”Search for Tomorrow” and “The Guiding Light”. They were only 15 minutes long and were performed live on TV. She really got into them. More than once she would send us back to school with tears streaming down her face at what poor Joanne was experiencing.

After school was time for play until dinner when Dad arrived home. We helped with dishes and then scampered outside to play hopscotch, jump rope, hide and seek, jacks or sometimes off to the backfield to play ball until darkness sent us home. Our parents did not need to worry about our safety as they do today.

Our house was a small two bedroom home. Rita and I shared a bedroom. Bedtime had its own routine ending with Mom and Dad lovingly tucking us in.

Those early childhood days seem like only yesterday. It was the best of times growing up with Rita.


CathernPaxton